


headfirst

by Anonymous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Sex, Exes, Infidelity, M/M, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:29:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26547550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "Keep a calendar," Atsumu scoffs, when Sakusa asks how long it's been since the last time.(It's been three weeks and six days and eighteen hours and—)(And it's not like Atsumu's counting)(Not at all)And it's not like Sakusa has to ask, this time or next time or any time at all, if Atsumu wants to—if he wants,too—Sakusa gets married. Atsumu still keeps coming back to him.Sakuatsu NSFW Week Day 6 | Emotional Sex
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 73
Collections: Anonymous, SakuAtsu NSFW Week





	headfirst

"Does your husband know?" 

Atsumu blurts it out, and then it's too late to take it back. 

Sakusa's already turning away, face hidden. He never stays, never lingers long enough for either of them to start wondering if maybe there's more to them than this. 

This sweet hot fuck, this night-long game of Atsumu pushing his luck, the morning-after agony of coming unstuck. 

They're a tempest in a teacup, two animals in the same steel trap. 

Miya Atsumu. Sakusa Kiyoomi. 

Only he isn't Sakusa, not anymore, not since the day he got married and became __________ Kiyoomi. 

But here in Atsumu's bed he's _Sakusa_ sometimes, _Omi-ai_ at other times, _Kiyoomi_ always, forever. 

_I will never end up like him_ , Atsumu promises himself. 

I will never end up trapped like him, savage and careless and wild with unhappiness, never, never, never— 

"Darling," Atsumu says, vindictive. 

And then, when Sakusa doesn't respond, again—

"Darling," softer, gentler. "I know what you're going through." 

He doesn't, not really, not at all. Sakusa's as much of a mystery to him as he probably is to his own husband. 

_Darling_ , Atsumu murmurs, while fucking him in his husband's place. 

_Darling, does it feel good, for you?_

_Darling, tell me, tell me, tell me how to make it good for you._

_More_ , Sakusa says, pressing up against him, pushing back against him. _More, more, more._

 _More_ , as if Atsumu could ever get enough of him. His hot hungry mouth, his tight little hole—his eyes his skin his voice his _heart_ —

 _More_ , as if he hadn't been the one to drag Atsumu into this, as if he hadn't asked, again and again and again and again and again and again and again—

 _No_ , Atsumu'd said, the first seven times. We're over, we're done, you're married, you've won.

 _No_ , no, no, no, no, no, no—yes. Yes. Yes, _please_ , yes—

_No, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I don't—_

_Just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness._

"Are you happy?" Atsumu whispers into Sakusa's hair. Sakusa sleeps soundly, sweetly. 

"Are you happy?" Atsumu asks, when Sakusa wakes up. He wants, more than anything, for Sakusa to be happy. 

"Are you happy?" Sakusa asks, without answering. 

* * *

"Keep a calendar," Atsumu scoffs, when Sakusa asks how long it's been since the last time. 

(It's been three weeks and six days and eighteen hours and—) 

(And it's not like Atsumu's counting) 

(Not at all)

And it's not like Sakusa has to ask, this time or next time or any time at all, if Atsumu wants to—if he wants, _too_ — 

_Oh darling, of course, of course, of course I do—_

_Oh darling, c'mere. Darling, let me love you—_

_Oh darling_ , Atsumu says, pulling him close, kissing him, loving him—

_Oh darling oh darling oh darling, oh, oh, oh—_

He bites Sakusa, hard enough to make him bleed, make him bruise. 

_Does your husband know_ , Atsumu asks, teeth sharp against the skin of Sakusa's thighs. 

_Does your husband know the way you shake and shake and fall apart, does he know how to make you feel this good?_

_Does your husband know the way I worship you, does he know, does he know, does he know—_

_No_ , Sakusa says, spreading his legs wide, wider—

 _No_ , Sakusa says, hands shaking, eyes wet—

 _No_ , Sakusa says, _no, no, no_ — 

_No_ , Sakusa says, the morning after, when Atsumu asks if he'd like to stay for breakfast, stay forever. His mouth is a cruel little thing in the morning light, his hands slow and sure as he straightens his collar, puts on his socks. He doesn't stop Atsumu from helping. He leans in, soft and sweet and tired, lets Atsumu brush his hair back, knot his tie. 

Then he leaves, slipping away as the sun rises and the world turns and Atsumu goes back to being _Miya_ , just _Miya_ , as if last night and the previous night and all the nights before meant nothing at all. 

* * *

In the end it's the crickets that convince him to call it a night. They scream, ceaseless and piercing in the hot summer months. The heat is suffocating. 

"You left this the last time you came through," Atsumu mutters, jerking his head at the wedding band on his nightstand he hadn't even dared to touch. 

_It's a sign_. 

Did Sakusa realise, that morning, when he'd left it behind? Did he mean to, did he want to?

 _It's a sign_. 

Did it mean _I don't want to do this anymore_ , or _I don't want to be his anymore?_

_It's a sign_. 

Did he go home, to his large lovely house, and touch his thumb to the empty space on his ring finger? Did he lie, when asked? Did he say he'd lost it, dropped it, left it behind the way he'd left Atsumu behind? 

Atsumu doesn't want to know. He's tired, and the silence between them weighs him down. 

_Darling_ sticks to the back of Atsumu's throat when Sakusa turns to look at him, confused by his lack of initiative. They're usually tumbling into bed by this point. Sakusa's eyes are dark, soft. Atsumu doesn't know how not to look at him. 

So he turns and picks up the wedding band, takes Sakusa's hand. 

It's almost too much, holding his hand, holding his ring—thinking of what should have happened, what could have been. He has no vows for Sakusa, nothing to say. 

_To have and to hold, to love and to cherish, til death do us part._

Slowly Atsumu slides the ring onto Sakusa's finger, runs his thumb gently over the dull golden band. It fits perfectly. 

_Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band?_

"It should have been me," Atsumu tells him. 

_I will never end up like him._

"It wasn't my choice to make," Sakusa says. 

_Behind my back I already am._

"Darling," Atsumu murmurs, wanting never to let him go. "Darling." 


End file.
